HEY BESTIE: My partner of seven years did not know my name, should I be concerned? When filling out an online form I have inserted an extra middle name that I do not have. How can he be so oblivious after so many years, am I overreacting?
There are some things that can be considered deal breakers in relationships and some things that aren’t. What I am hearing you ask is whether this is a dealbreaker for you and whether this should be a concern for the relationship.
There are often things within a relationship that are more important to one partner than they are to the other. For example, you might be the type of person who genuinely loves to know things about others, including about your partner.
Middle name, place of birth, time of birth, parents and grandparent details and even potentially the name of the street your partner grew up on.
Your partner on the other hand, might place less importance on some of the things listed above, and might place more importance on other aspects of the relationship such as providing regular compliments to you, cuddling on the couch while watching TV, being engaging around family and friends, and making amazing meals for you to share.
When he doesn’t remember your middle name for a form, does this mean that he loves you any less? Probably not.
It could simply be a matter of lesser importance for him. Some people are forgetful, and some people don’t pay attention to the minor details of things.
Now, if you explain to him the importance of why you want him to know this information and he actively chooses not to retain that information that might be another story.
With regard to you asking if you are overreacting, ask yourself why him not knowing your middle name bothers you. It might be something more serious than a forgotten middle name.
When in doubt, have a conversation with him about the things you both feel are important to know about in a relationship—communicate with each other. Because after all, communication is the cornerstone to an amazing relationship.
From a relationship perspective, there are things that tend to make or break a relationship, I don’t feel as though this is one of them. Try not to take it personally as it probably was not personal.
Amanda Lambros is a sexologist and relationship coach with almost two decades of experience who takes pride in her “no bs” approach to solving your problems. She is also a certified speaking professional and has written several books on relationships, health and business which have sold more than 150,000 copies.
Do you have a question for Amanda? Email firstname.lastname@example.org (don’t worry, we won’t publish your name!)